


Only you can calm me

by Casnodasgay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:23:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casnodasgay/pseuds/Casnodasgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has started having panic/anxiety attacks and tries to keep them from Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only you can calm me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so im not good at descriptions... But its good! (i hope anyway). SUPER MEGA THANKS to lilliamonstre on Tumblr for being a fantastic person and offering to edit my first fanfic!!!

Lately they had been coming more often. They started soon after his return from hell and had slowly become more frequent and intense. Eyes closed, Dean tried to breathe through the incoming wave of anxiety that suddenly overtook him. Realizing that the panic attack was inevitable, Dean threw a half-assed excuse over his shoulder and left Sam sitting, confused, at a booth in some diner they had stopped at on the way back to their hotel.

Dean slowly made his way to the restroom, making sure his expression stayed neutral and his pace not too rushed. Can’t give himself away, can’t let Sammy figure out. He continued into the bathroom, finding it fortunately empty, and staggered over to the sink. He ran the tap cold and splashed it onto his face, trying to fight the nausea that was making his stomach do somersaults. He felt like he was burning up, his face was too hot, his throat was closing, his mind was racing.

Breathe, Dean. He told himself.

This was the third panic attack this week; the first happened while Sam was out buying food and the second while alone showering after a routine hunt. Dean was grateful that Sam hadn’t been around to witness either of his past episodes, but this one had been too close of a call. His stomach twisted again as he wondered what Sam was thinking right now.

Dean forced himself to look up into the mirror, and what he saw made him recoil. Staring back at him wasn’t the fearless, striking, charming man that Sam thought he was. What he saw instead was a pathetic man having a panic attack. A panic attack, really Dean? Really? He hated being so weak.

 

Dean reached for the amulet from his pocket and held the cool metal to his face, letting it ground him and bring him back down. He studied the necklace closely, running his thumb over the dull shine.

Gripping the piece of jewelry tight, Dean closed his eyes and thought of Sam. His smile. That spark in his eye when he’s solved another piece of whatever puzzle they happen to be working on.

Dean opened his eyes, letting his memories of Sammy calm him. He pulled out his phone to look at the time and cursed under his breath. He’d been in the bathroom for seven minutes. Looking up into the mirror one last time, Dean slipped the amulet back into his pocket and turned for the door.

“You okay, Dean?” Sam asked, concerned, once Dean had settled back into the booth.

“Never better, Sammy.” Dean replied in his “we’re done talking about this” voice.

Sam frowned, unconvinced, but he let it go, turning his attention to the waitress who had just arrived at their table with what looked like a salad with grilled chicken.

“Anything for you?” the petite blonde waitress asked, focusing her attention on Dean. “Another salad, maybe?”

Chuckling at Sam’s choice of food, Dean shook his head.

“Bacon burger for me, sweetheart.” He replies, smirking at her. Flushed, the waitress quickly scribbled on her notepad and rushed off to the kitchen.

Dean swiped Sam’s soda and took a sip.

“Hey- Dean!” Sam said, giving Dean his best bitch face and thrusting his arm toward the eldest, grabbing his wrist without thinking. The tug sloshed soda over the rim of the glass and onto Deans T-shirt.

“Oh shit Dean, sorry!” Sam apologized.

“Son of a bitch.” Dean grunted, turning to wave the waitress down while Sam wiped up the spill with his napkin. The waitress rushed over, napkins in hand.

“Thanks, uh, Amy,” Dean said, reading her nametag. “I think we’re gonna need that burger to go, and his salad.” Nodding, Amy walked away to get the boxes. Sam reached over the table, trying to clean up Dean’s shirt.

“Will you stop fussing? Its fine, Sammy. We’re not far from the hotel. I’ll just change when we get back.” Dean assured, brushing Sam’s hands off and accepting the box from the newly returned waitress. Sam nodded, packing up his salad and handing over some cash for the food. He couldn’t help but notice Dean’s hands shaking a bit.

The 20 minute trip back was mostly quiet, except for the mixed tape Dean had put in. AC/DC blaring through the speakers as the Impala sped toward their destination. Sam glanced over every now and then, watching Deans grip on the steering wheel slowly clench and unclench, mind clearly somewhere else. Reaching over, Sam turned down the music a bit. Dean remained still, his eyes straight ahead.

“Dean?” Sam started, shaking Dean from his thoughts.

“Hmm?” Dean grunted, glancing at Sam.

“Seriously, what is up with you? You’ve been acting weird lately.” Sam continued, concern leaking into his voice.

Oh god, should I tell him? Dean thought. He hadn’t been planning on telling Sam, but the kid had just straight-up asked. What am I worrying about? This is Sam here. I can tell him anything.

Breathing deeply, Dean stole a quick glance at Sam. His forehead was creased with worry, bottom lip jutting out the tiniest bit, willing Dean to tell him. Dean ran a hand through his hair unconsciously, sighing.

“Here’s the thing, Sammy,” Dean confessed. “I’ve been feeling a bit… odd lately.” Sam said nothing, staring at dean, waiting for him to continue.

“It’s nothing to worry about, okay?” Dean reassured, pulling up to the parking lot and turning off the car.

“Dean…” Sam started, but Dean was already out of the car, walking quickly toward their door. Sam sighed, getting out and following after him. They walked into the motel room and Sam cornered Dean immediately.

“Come on, Dean-”

“LOOK I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, OKAY” Dean exploded, pressing shaking hands against his face, trying to steady his breathing. It was happening again. Why here? Jesus, why now? Why with Sam in the room? God, let it happen any other time just PLEASE not now.

His whole body shaking, Dean’s knees gave out and he stumbled a bit before Sam swooped in to catch him.

“DEAN? What’s happening?” Sam shouted. He pulled his big brother to the bed closest to them. Sam wiped the sweat from Dean’s forehead and looked him in the eyes, worried beyond belief.

“Oh God, please not now, no no no please…” Dean whispered, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and squeezing his eyes shut. Breathing deeply, Dean opened his eyes, still shaking, and looked at Sam. Sam’s eyes were wide, hands hovering just above Deans shoulders, unsure of what to do. They sat staring at each other. Sam tried desperately to think of what was wrong. Countless things ran through his mind; maybe he’s sick or has food poisoning. What if he had gotten possessed from the last hunt? Either way he had to do something for Dean. Anything.

“Sammy,” Dean whimpered, finally finding his voice again. Sam pulled Dean onto his lap and rocked him back and forth, whispering to his brother, trying to comfort him. He didn’t know what was wrong, but if all Dean could say was “Sammy” then obviously he needed to be close to him.

“Shh… it’s okay, Dean,” Sam whispered. And “I’m here for you, whatever it is,” but mostly “I love you”, repeated over and over between soft kisses placed on Dean’s forehead until the shaking had subsided and the only thing left was Dean wrapped tightly in Sam’s warm embrace. Dean started to relax more and more until his breathing became even. Leaning back a bit, Sam looked down at Dean and realized he had fallen asleep. Sam carefully took both of their shoes, stripped dean of his cola-stained shirt and tucked them in together, snuggled up.

Sam didn’t know what was wrong with Dean, but what he did know was that whatever it was, they would get through it because they had each other and that’s all they needed. Leaning over, Sam brushed his lips over Dean’s and tucked his head under his chin.

“I love you,” Sam whispered once more before turning around and clicking off the light.


End file.
